I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
As shirtless as possible
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
