Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
