Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
