I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
