At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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