Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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