I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
