I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
