I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize