Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
