Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
