I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
