But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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