ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
