you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize