OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
