She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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