Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
