NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
