If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
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