SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
