My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
