I bet he comes in French.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
