You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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