Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
