we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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