This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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