Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
