I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
