Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
