Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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