you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
