we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
