I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
