I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
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