She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
