I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
