By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
