Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize