too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
