I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize