ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
