the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
