No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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