I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
