i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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