I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
