Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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