hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize