you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
