yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you had me at cake vodka
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
