Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
