we're blogging at a bar
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She made me pour olive oil on her.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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