We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
