Dual....:-)
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
