that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
