My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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