when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
