Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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