You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize