Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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