no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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