I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
