Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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