we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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