hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
