After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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