Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
