I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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