can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
