proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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