i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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