Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
