I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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